MomCraze Tales Day 6: Nudists

Deanna CrawfordBeing a Parent, Canada, MomCraze0 Comments


Day 6 of 7 Alone with 3 Kids

Well no wonder yesterday was a gong show. I woke up this morning feeling like I swallowed glass and been hit in the head with a sledge hammer… Great.

I found Nora asleep in my bed at 11:30pm when I woke up to nurse Charlie. All snuggled in the blankets. I know she was soooo proud of herself so I left her there.

Charlie was up at his usual 5:30am but this time, no Hazel. We fall back asleep and I get the smack in the face to wake up…6:55am! Nora slept in! Lol I never thought sleeping until 7 was a sleep in before, but man I’ll take it!

We get up, I make breakfast and get to the laundry…. I feel like crap but I know that if I do nothing, I will feel like doing nothing (does that make sense?)

Nora and Hazel are apparently on strike. They are not listening to anything I am saying and running around wild… I need to get these girls out…

But first I have to get Charlie down for a nap. I have left the girls downstairs watching Postman Pat and am nursing Charlie to sleep on my bed… The whole time I am praying that I closed the gates to the kitchen and analyzing every noise I hear. When I go downstairs I find both girls on the kitchen table playing in the bathroom garbage that I had stupidly left on the stairs; aaannnd Nora is now naked… I swear every time I leave the room that little turkey gets naked. She loves to be free that one.
I can’t get mad at them because when they see me they squeal with delight and their little laughs always get me.

I help Hazel and the nudist off the table, telling them I’ll be back… I’ve got to switch the laundry. I’m in the basement and I hear Hazel… shitballs…. I left the gate open… I hear “Mama I hellip”? At the top of the stairs, she has her hands on her hips and a look on her face that I know she got from me. As she comes down, I hear Nora upstairs screaming to come too… Hazel, I swear is smiling, that little devil closed the gate so Nora couldn’t get out!

We do laundry, well I do laundry. Hazel takes this moment to snoop around the basement, which is what she really wanted and used helping me as a ploy.

I now hear a pained scream and crying… Nora tried to climb over the fence by using her Thomas Train as a stepping stool, but I guess the train slipped out and she ended up falling and scraping her chest and belly (she is still naked… It was kind of funny but I’m trying not to laugh. I give “huggy-boos”(a name they got from Greg not me) and she feels better.

We eat an incredibly healthy lunch… Mac & Cheese with cut up hotdogs….mmmmmm..

Then I am happy to say, they nap again… did I nap? Nope, because I have 3 children and they are not all going to sleep at the same time every time. Nope, Charlie falls asleep ON me very close to the time I know the girls will wake up, so I watch Russell Peters on Netflix and try not to laugh too loud.

After naps are when things start to take a turn for the worst. Hazel isn’t feeling very well and wakes up a basket case… Screaming and crying… blahhhhh….

Nora on the other hand can’t stop moving… I should take them out to run around but I feel like a bag o’ poop so we are not going anywhere. That might have been the biggest mistake of the day… Nora was INSANE! She could not stop moving, running around or getting into trouble… It probably was because of the peanut butter cookies… Nora can’t handle sugar very well, plus not going outside makes for a crazy toddler!

While we were on skype with my parents in B.C. Nora was in fine form, stripping naked and climbing onto the kitchen table basking in all her naked splendor.

Growing up my dad had a voice and a look… a look that could stop us dead in our tracks. If we got this look or heard this voice, we knew we were in trouble. Anyway, Nora is not listening to me and climbing everything. My dad gets really close to his camera so his face is huge (we Skype on our 48inch TV) and says “Get Down”… Nora flipping gets down! My dad has more control over my children than I do and he is 5000 miles away! My sister has it too… Why the hell don’t I? I used to be tough! I couldn’t be pushed around! Now two 2.5 years olds are running circles around me! Today I had zero control and was ready to throw in the towel. Whose idea was it to have kids in the first place? Ya…. that’ll be me…

Eventually things calm down. We skype with Greg, Nora is beside herself with happiness. We wish him a happy birthday and start on dinner.

When my mother in-law visited this afternoon, she had brought the girls colouring pages and from that moment on Hazel has had a crayon (which cannot be a broken one or heads will roll) and a book in her hand. She has been walking around “taking notes” and admiring the crayon in her hand (which she can hold perfectly). Every so often she stops and rests her hand on some kind of surface and poses…. with her crayon. She would pause, pose, smile, and walk around taking notes as if talking to an imaginary someone acting very grown up… It was hilarious until bedtime and I had to bribe her to leave her crayon downstairs. It really was the weirdest argument.

But now they are all asleep…

I look back on today and even though I thought I was going to die of either frustration or just sheer boredom (cause let’s face it… staying home with kids can be soooooooooooo boring) there are a lot of moments that are hilarious. Like why are my girls always sticking their hands down their pants then sniffing their fingers, it’s so gross! Do all little girls do this or are mine just weird?? But I laugh every time as I’m chasing them to wash their gross little paws. Or that they are constantly talking! I mean they never stop; noise is always coming out of their mouths. It drives me insane some days. But it is funny…

If you’re just tuning in, here are: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 woohoo!

About the Writer

Deanna Crawford is a stay-at-home mom of 2.5-year-old twin girls and a 6-month old boy living in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, Canada. She started to write her thoughts as a way of keeping sane and hopes her contribution makes other mothers laugh and feel a sense of solidarity. Originally from Vancouver, Deanna spent her pre-child years singing in bands, staying up late and staying in bed until at least 10am. Deanna loves to laugh, drink wine with friends and really loves the idea of sewing – though she has yet to try it. Follow Deanna on Twitter and Facebook!