The Reluctant Housewife

Deanna CrawfordBeing a Parent, Canada, MomCraze0 Comments


I am a horrible mother and a reluctant housewife.

Okay maybe horrible might be a bit dramatic but I’m not the perfect mother I thought I would be. The things I thought I would do – crafts, frolicking, my children would be clean and always in a stylish outfit, their hair would always be done and above all they would listen and be respectful due to my superior parenting – Ha! Was I in for a reality check!

Truth of the matter is: I don’t do crafts, unless getting crayons and construction paper and putting the kids at the table counts. There will be no frolicking and my children are almost always filthy. The stylish clothes are also no go… I’m not super stylish myself so how did I think my kids would be? Also, I won’t spend a lot of money on clothes they’ll outgrow in 2 months.

I yell way too much, I don’t play enough. I try to but it is really, really boring. How many times can I pretend to eat plastic food?

I do sing and dance with my kids, and of course I read to them sometimes; but I feel like there are more moments when I am trying to hide from them. It’s either to eat something yummy, or to just sit without being touched.

Is that horrible? Is it horrible that I get a little bubble of excitement at nap time or bed time?

I feel guilty that I don’t play a lot… but I figure that it will all balance out when they become old enough to play board games. Those I love! Dolls and tea parties I don’t. That’s where having twins comes in handy, they will eventually play together. They are starting to now, sort of; but at 2.5 they do have the “mine disease” and it seems to be getting worse, but there are a few shining moments when they aren’t fighting and are playing nicely….

Blog break…. Right now at this exact moment Nora is having a massive meltdown because we won’t let her play with a 4 foot wooden stick she stole from the window blind. Hazel is trying to make Nora feel better by sticking her bare bum in her face, and Nora is getting upset because for some strange reason, having a butt crack in your face is not a lot of fun…. Go figure.

Where was I? Oh ya, shitty mom and wife. I’m a stay at home mom and I am a horrible house keeper. When I say horrible, what I mean is; I don’t really do dishes…often…. I don’t tidy or clean the kitchen. My husband does it… It’s not that I won’t do it; it’s that I don’t do it in a timely fashion and that bugs him. He just said today that it drives him crazy that I don’t throw anything in the garbage, that wrappers and such are always on the counter. He says it’s starting to give him a headache. Whoops! I also don’t vacuum but that’s not my doing. Greg loves the vacuum. He doesn’t love to vacuum; he loves THE vacuum and won’t let me go near it.

Blog break…. Hazel just made herself dizzy from spinning and just smashed her face when she fell. She seemed shocked it happened. I know you’re only 2 but come on! What did you think would happen?

What I do do (that’s so not correct grammar, I can hear my grammar friends now) is cook and do laundry … I cook basically every meal. I’m good at it too. Greg has a few specials that he pulls together. He’s the pizza guy. Pasta, he makes good pasta. Also, this Asian inspired soup I love. But that’s it. So it’s up to me. I don’t mind, I actually like it most days.

Sometimes it is hard to come up with ideas and it would be nice to have some input once in a while. When I ask what we should have for dinner and his response is “Anything, I don’t care” makes me want to throat punch him! (I’m not a violent person, talking about it is kind of therapeutic). If I am asking you it usually means that I have no more freaking ideas. Get with the program! You’re not new! I have had this exchange with my husband so many times and but it doesn’t help. I can’t get too mad at him though, like I said I don’t clean. But I’m gonna have to start.

I also take a weird pride in my laundry; I’m almost obsessive about keeping our whites white and our colors bright. Don’t get me started on my cloth diapers…. plus almost everything we own including my diapers is second hand. I want them looking better now than they did when I got them.

I also LOVE hanging laundry on the line. I have just discovered I can hang things in the winter on sunny days. Not going to lie, I got a bit excited.

When we first started talking about me not going back to work, we talked about expectations. If I expect him to keep me in the lavish lifestyle I’m used to then I have to clean… (by lavish I mean I can shop at old Navy once a year and buy the odd item of clothing from Superstore). But there has always been a valid excuse why I can’t clean.

Blog break: Hazel is crying because Greg won’t put the apple TV remote in her diaper…. She is crying “mote in my bum daddy, mote in my bum”. She is so, so weird.

Anyway, reasons I haven’t cleaned since being a SAHM are:

I have twins. And when they were infants, I was constantly breastfeeding or changing bums… it was busy… then they became mobile… even busier. Then I got pregnant and had a hard pregnancy (I’ll write about that another time) and then I had 2 year old twins and a newborn. Then I had/have PPD. (again another blog). Now Greg is on paternity leave and picks up most, if not all the slack. But Greg’s pat leave is almost over and he is going to expect some house-wifey stuff to be done…I’m screwed, my non cleaning status is just about up! I’ve run out of excuses!

It’s not that I hate cleaning; it’s just never been on top of my list of priorities.  I am a lot better than I used to be… I was really messy, not dirty or gross…just messy. I got robbed once and didn’t notice right away… Piles! That’s what I do… I make piles. Piles of papers, clothes, shoes… Piles. ..Lol.

I will get better, I promise.

Even with all the things I can’t and/or don’t do, I love my family intensely. I know that I put more pressure on myself than they put on me; and they don’t expect me to be perfect. They love me because I’m not perfect. They love me because I’m weird, hyper and unconventional.

Side note: Greg just told me I’m a good mom… I may have been fishing, but I’ll take it!

About the Writer

Deanna Crawford is MomCraze, a stay-at-home mom of 2.5-year-old twin girls and a 6-month old boy living in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, Canada. She started to write her thoughts as a way of keeping sane and hopes her contribution makes other mothers laugh and feel a sense of solidarity. Originally from Vancouver, Deanna spent her pre-child years singing in bands, staying up late and staying in bed until at least 10am. Deanna loves to laugh, drink wine with friends and really loves the idea of sewing – though she has yet to try it. Follow MomCraze on Twitter and Facebook!